The Equal Rights Blog Hop: If it quacks like a duck…

Equal Right Blog Hop
Equal Right Blog Hop

“What does being a member of the GLBT community mean to you?”

Most people who’ve never met me wouldn’t say I qualified to be part of the LGBT community. Why not? I’m a woman who likes men. Technically speaking I should qualify as straight.
People who’ve met me automatically assume I’m not straight, though. The reason for this is “the duck test” (If it looks like a duck, swims like a duck, and quacks like a duck, then it probably is a duck).
I’m a middle-aged, big-boned woman who’s never married, doesn’t have kids, has no discernible partner. I wear my hair really short, and I like to dress in shirts, jeans and Nike sneakers. With a few exceptions, my friends are gay men and yes, I write gay romance. I couldn’t possibly be straight, right?

Well, I’m not exactly arrow straight…

I like my men like me, somewhere in the middle of the binary gender gap. Sadly for me, most of those men are gay (and therefore not interested in someone who doesn’t have the right appendages) and the other two can’t get over the fact I don’t fall for women. Perception can be a real deal breaker…

So do I go around telling people their perception of me is totally off the mark? Not if I can help it. Most of the time I don’t care what they think of me. I’m sure my boss is convinced I’m a lesbian, but as long as he doesn’t turn bigot on me, I don’t care. Same with my co-workers. When I’m called on it, I won’t lie and will tell people I like men, not women. I have a very dear (gay) friend who keeps trying to hook me up with his lesbian friends. I’ve told him a few times I’m not interested, but I guess I need to be more vocal about it. He keeps telling me I haven’t met the right woman yet. I told him I’d take him over any lesbian he could introduce me too. I think that shocked him!

Honestly, going around telling people I’m straight feels futile and unnecessary. I don’t lie about it, but I don’t shout about it either. I shouldn’t have to.
I am who I am.
But I still feel more accepted by the LGBTQ community than by the straight community, simply because of the perception people have of me.

So for me, the LGBTQ community means acceptance. I feel much more accepted by them, regardless of what I am, than I do from the “straight” community, who do judge me for what they perceive me to be.


I’m supposed to ask you a question with a one word answer, but I’m hoping you’ll answer with your $0.02 as well as the answer to my question (because I’m curious like that).


What is my favorite footwear?

From all the answers I’ll pick a lucky winner who get a $10 gift voucher from the Dreamspinner Press store! If you can hold on to it until October, you can buy the next novel in my Clouds and Rain series, called Moon and Stars, and if you can’t, I have a pretty extensive back catalog. And if you own everything I ever wrote (LOL!) you can buy anything you like from the DSP store!

And please click on the logo at the top of post to read the other people who participate in the blog hop…


    1. I wish I could still run, but I’ve been told I have the knees of an eighty-year-old. Need to preserve them as much as I can for now, since I need them in many more years to come!

  1. I had your same issue for many years. I work with animals–I tend to either keep my hair short or long enough to be pulled back into a no-nonsense pony-tail. Jewelry has to be something animals can grab hold of. Clothing tends to be T-shirts, jeans, and Ariat boots. πŸ™‚ I seldom wear sneakers of any kind (let alone Nike!) because footwear falls apart on me if it isn’t leather!

    One of my former bosses actually accused a client of being a lesbian based on her appearance. I shot back with, “Well given your criteria, you could say the same about me, only everyone knows, I’m not gay, I’m frigid.”

    He never made a comment about anyone’s sexuality in my hearing again! And now I am happily in a relationship with a wonderful man–who supports my writing. So yeah, acceptance is everything! πŸ™‚

  2. Fascinating post Zahra. I love the grand spectrum of sexuality — and everything else– that we humans display. Thanks so much for being in the hop. : )

    1. Hey Tara!
      Me too. I’m embracing being “somewhere in the middle of the gender spectrum” more and more as I age. I feel comfortable here, even though most people in my proximity don’t.

      Thanks for visiting!

  3. Well, yours is Nike sneakers… mine is bare feet.

    So for me, the LGBTQ community means acceptance. I feel much more accepted by them, regardless of what I am, than I do from the β€œstraight” community, who do judge me for what they perceive me to be.

    What a beautiful way to put it!

    1. Thank you! It’s simply the truth. Kinda hard to find a guy to share my life with while I hang out with the gay ones, but I love my men to bits.

      And I love bare feet too.

      Thanks for stopping by!

  4. Hiya

    You say Nike sneakers, I say Nike trainers but then I’m from the other side of the Pond where we have cars with boots and bonnets instead of trunks and hoods. Pavements are sidewalks, black top is a tarmac road and humor is spelt humour.

    But for all our little differences I believe in freedom of speech, tolerance of your neighbours and wish for an end to every war all over the world.

    Happy 4th of July from the UK

  5. You like Nike sneakers! (Great post, by the way…I’ve never been crazy about the uber-macho looking guys, I always feel they protest too much!)


  6. Your footwear of choice is Nike.
    And you are right, you shouldn’t have to offer anything but your name. Anyone who expects the litany of my gender, racial, religious and sexual affiliations upon introduction are not the kind of people I really want to associate with.

    kalimar2010 @

    1. I have to admit if a woman does catch my eye, she’s usually rather dominant and in your face. I love confidence in a woman.

  7. Acceptance is a great thing and I believe you’re right. Anyone can find it in the GLBT community.

  8. You wear Nike sneakers. LOL, love the reply you gave your friend. There’s nothing better than shocking someone and seeing their expression. Thanks so much for taking p[art in the hop.

    1. He got over it pretty quickly. He was married to a woman for fifteen years after all πŸ˜‰

      Thanks for stopping by!

  9. Yours is Nike sneakers πŸ™‚ I prefer Asics for working out, lol.


    1. I tried Asics. They’re not made for my feet πŸ˜‰
      But working out is great if you do it in the right company….

      Thanks for visiting!

  10. Nike sneakers are your shoes of choice. I dress for comfort. My hair has been pulled back in a pony tail for years until this past Sat when I cut it short. I’m in comfy clothes & Ecco sandals all the time. I know there will be people who make assumptions based on how I look, but I’m happy & that’s what matters


  11. Yours are Nike, mine are Converse! I love sneakers and am hardly ever without my converse. Great post. I learned a long time ago not to try and slap a label on people and dislike when others do the same, whether to me or someone else. When I look at people now, I don’t assume anything, unless they’re spouting hate. Then I assume they’re idiots.:D

    1. Sounds like a good way of looking at people!
      Converse don’t offer enough cushioning for my poor knees, but I love the way they look!

  12. Nike sneakers. I know there are so many variations in footwear that it’s important to find the right shoe, for me too.

    strive4bst(AT) yahoo(Dot) com

    1. Thank you!
      It usually doesn’t bother me, but I sometimes get ticked off by how people simply draw the conclusion without questioning it.

  13. Well, sneakers of course. But where I grew up they are called tennis shoes. I get your point exactly–I grew up a tomboy with five brothers. I still dress that way for comfort. I also have been thought a lesbian–you know tall, big-boned, short hair and I went into the military. But I am married and have two kids now so …People usually only see me with the kids and I hold hands with my 22-year-old daughter…so who knows? Whatever.

  14. You’re a fan of Nike sneakers, and my preferred footwear is sandals. Whatever works for each person is great, I believe! Thank you for your post and for participating in the blog hop.

    1. Sandals are great when it’s hot outside. This rarely happens where I live. I hope you live in a warmer climate!

      Thanks for visiting!

  15. Answer: Nike

    Great post, Zahra! I don’t think I’ve read anything yet about this, so I’m delighted. I guess some people do love to put people in their boxes and “figure them out.” And still so many people haven’t caught up with the fact that identity is completely separate from orientation. I’m glad we come in such a wonderful variety of combinations and can’t imagine how boring the world would be if we were all the same. For whatever reason, I’m glad you are and do feel a part of the community!

    Thank you so much for sharing with us!

    1. Yes, people do need their labels!
      I admit I need to make a conscious effort myself to see beyond those labels, but at least I’m aware of the need to do so.

      Thanks for stopping by!

  16. I know how you feel Zahra. I’m asexual, and most people can’t understand that. I have this one guy who is constantly trying to get me to sleep with him cause he’ll “rock my world”. He doesn’t get that I’m asexual and have no interest in having sex. The closest I get is through the books I read. A lot of people tell me, oh, you’re young, you don’t know what you want. Ummm, really? How long did it take for you to realize you were straight/gay/bisexual? Trust me, I know who I am. Thanks for your wonderful post Zahra. Oh, and I’m going to go with Nike sneakers as your fave footwear.


    1. They love that argument, don’ they? “Oh you’re young, you don’t know what you want.” You are what you are. And if that ever changes you’ll be the first one to know, but nobody “rocking your world” is going to change that.
      It’s like my friend feeling I just haven’t met the right woman yet. It’s not that I’m not open to it, but I just have this gut feeling that it won’t change who I am in my core.
      I’m sure it’s the same with you!

      Thanks for visiting!

  17. I like my soft sneakers. They feel like slippers. I also have a pair of slip on slippers I wear around the house.

    It seems there are tons of labels out there on people. I don’t like labels. I just want to find out how a person is on the inside. All the other stuff doesn’t matter to me.

    yinyang1062 at yahoo dot com

    1. Hey there!
      I agree with you, but I feel like gender roles, it’s something thrust upon us by society. As long as we’re aware of them and try not to propagate them too much, I think we’ll do okay!

  18. I really like Converse sneakers. I think that they are really comfortable.

    As for your post, which was wonderful, I found myself understanding what you are talking about. While I currently identify as straight, i have done my share of experimentation. That, teamed with the fact that I write gay fiction, has caused me to find greater acceptance in the LGBT community.

  19. I have Nike sneakers as well, though I actually think they are horribly uncomfortable. I was once asked if I was a lesbian because my general speaking voice (non excited) is moderately deep… Um, because that makes no sense!
    OceanAkers @

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